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Hi,
My ex-boyfriend and I have been going together
ever since January of 1996 and just last March
he broke up with me. I just can't figure out why
we broke up. I can honestly say that he is my
true love.
Throughout the years we have broken up like three
times. I mean it was like we broke up today and
get back together a day or week later, but this
time was different. He doesn't want me to call
or write him or any contact whatsoever. The only
reason that comes to mind why he had broken up
with me is probably because I didn't have sex
with him when he had wanted it.
I told him that I didn't want to and he had asked
me why. I simply said, "I had my reasons".
He didn't say anything for a while and then like
about few minutes later he had asked me again,
but I still told him no. Later, he decided to
end things with me. I had asked him why and he
said that he "...had his reasons". I
still want to be with him. What can I do in order
to get him back? I am in love with him and everyday
that goes by I think of him.
Please help me!
Hello!
The phrase, "I have my reasons" is
just blatant manipulation, pure and simple. I
don't blame him for not wanting to put up with
that game. I wouldn't either. If you or any woman
had ever tried to pull that on me, I'd be out
the door and into some other woman's bed faster
than you could say it a second time!
My question to you is why play that game in the
first place? And, don't tell me that it's ok because
he said it back to you. That's just more game
playing. Obviously, you had a sexual relationship,
and now you're changing the rules all without
explaining it to him? Frankly, in my opinion until
you grow up, you don't deserve a long-term relationship
with him or anyone!
If you want to ever get him back, (and frankly,
I'm not sure you can do this now), you need to
correct whatever it is inside of you that would
cause you to do such a thing in the first place.
You see, relationships are built on trust, closeness,
openness and communication. That one little phrase
says, "Well, I'm changing the rules - I no
longer feel compelled to talk to you about how
I feel, or why I feel it." That's absolutely,
100% wrong headed thinking!
If you choose to no longer have sex with him,
that's your right, but don't expect him to just
live with the situation. He has a say in it too,
and that say is to do exactly what he did - move
on to find someone that meets his needs. Even
if you had a "valid reason", that's
no excuse to pull this little game.
Once you get this corrected in yourself, you
can then approach him, apologize and explain why
you did it, and why you now know it was wrong.
You owe him at least that much. If he takes you
back, feel lucky. Frankly, my students, most of
the men I know and me wouldn't - and believe me,
it's not about the sex.
Best regards...
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