7 Smoke Signals Your Man Could
Be Leading A Double Life
Would you know it if your man was leading a double life?
Would the signs be obvious to you or to your family
and friends?
Most of the time we know when the top isn't spinning
right in our relationships, but we don't want to know
so we conveniently "overlook" the obvious
when it comes to our men. Other times we're in the dark
about their secretive tricks until something definitive
happens and the light switch is thrown. Then suddenly
everything is bathed in a painfully bright light.
Well, never fear...reinforcements have arrived!
Now, make sure you read with both eyes and listen with
both ears -- BUT be sure you're not looking for the
fire unless you already smell the smoke...
After speaking at length with several private investigators
and divorce attorneys, I'm going to share the top 7
"smoke signals" your husband or live-in boyfriend
could not only have another woman out there, but perhaps
a whole other family outside of his home with you:
Signal #1. He has reason(s) to travel consistently
or frequently.
If your man has a job or hobby that requires consistent
and/or frequent travel--look out. According to experienced
private investigators, this is the NUMBER ONE cover
for a second, or even a third, hidden family life.
Signal #2. YOU are in the dark about his TRUE
financial income and/or holdings.
Does he have complete autonomy of the household finances?
Whether he does or not, how do you know he doesn't have
bank accounts you may not know about? Are you sure he
doesn't have trust funds, mutual funds, IRA's, stocks
and bonds, or even annuities hidden from you? How about
credit cards? A credit report may be a good place to
check on those.
Moreover, what about life insurance policies and wills?
Do you have access to a copy of his will? Are you sure
you know who's listed as his primary and contingent
beneficiaries? Better find out. According to top divorce
attorneys, many women are CLUELESS in these areas until
either someone dies or it's all aired for a judge to
hear in court.
What's more, are you sure you know his exact income?
And could he possibly
receive hefty stipends or bonuses you aren't clued in
on? Better get busy finding that out too.
Signal #3. He has reason to be in regular contact
with an ex-wife or girlfriend but (by either choice
or circumstance) you're excluded from most of his interactions
with this person.
This is a big one. If he has children, property, business,
etc. from a prior marriage or relationship, this constitutes
reason to be in contact with an ex-whatever. Beware
the "old and familiar" syndrome. Sometimes
you'd rather not be involved when he's dealing with
his ex, but in most regards, that makes it quite easy
for him to re-ignite a whole other life with that
person.
Take note: this sign could also be present with his
or YOUR own best friend, YOUR own sister, YOUR own mother,
YOUR own daughter, etc. You'd be surprised what private
investigators see in their line of work! Don't be a
fool.
Signal #4. You have little or no access to his
pager, cell phone, or e-mail.
Another big one, but self-explanatory. Pretty easy
to have another woman, other children or in-laws contacting
him if he makes sure he's not in danger of you answering
the phone, checking on the pager, or reading his e-mail.
Private investigators agree -- you shouldn't have to
demand access to these things, but they shouldn't be
inaccessible to you either...get it?
Signal #5. He regularly attends the usual "couple's"
events...but somehow you don't.
If you find that more often than not, he winds up having
cause to go solo to weddings, holiday events or social
functions, I'd start scratching what might appear to
be the surface and get down to the nitty-gritty of exactly
why that may be happening. It could be that it wasn't
an event your side of his life could "safely"
attend. Perhaps these are the times that his "other
family" is on his arm...
Signal #6. He's frequently not in the mood for
sex or there's been some change in sexual appetite or
behavior.
Have whips and chains entered the picture from out
of left field? Has the "sex talk" suddenly
become chock-full of color after 10 or more years of
black and white? This could mean sex has gotten more
inventive elsewhere and he's ready to spice it up with
you too...
On the other hand if his appetite for sex has decreased
or come to a noticeable halt, chances are he's getting
his fill of sex in his other "home" and just
plain has nothing left by the time he comes home to
you.
Signal #7. Last, but not least, if he makes
frequent gazes to the left --- something's not right.
A psychological indicator that we're using the creative
side of our brain is a look up into the air and to the
left. If this happens often while he's talking to you,
the best way to tell if he's lying is if his lips are
moving.
If you're already sniffing smoke in your relationship,
you may want to go ahead and check for fires. If you
find out he has another "life", be sure you
don't fan the flames by being passive.
Some advice? Take control --- cut your losses and evacuate
the building.
Millenia Black is the author of THE GREAT PRETENDER (Infinity,
2003) available at bookstores nationwide. For more information
visit: www.milleniablack.com
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