Fixing a Broken Partner Picker
Do you have a broken partner-picker? Do you keep picking
the wrong partners thinking they are the right ones,
only to realize you once again picked the same kind
of partner as in the past?
If so, your partner-picker can be fixed. It just needs
a little work. The following exercise will help you
fix your partner-picker.
Complete the following sentence with a few words
that readily come to mind:
All men or all women are __________________________________.
Did you immediately think of negative terms to define
men or women? If so, are you sure all men or all women
are as you described above? Do you personally know any
who are not?
The first step to fixing a broken partner-picker is
to realize all kinds of people exist out there in the
big wide world of ours. Most singles with a broken partner-picker
actually believe the only kinds of people who are out
there are the kinds they have been meeting. So a woman
who keeps meeting unavailable men believes all men are
unavailable. And a man who keeps meeting women who are
after his money believes all women are gold diggers.
In a way this actually makes sense; we believe the
evidence in front of us. However, does the woman who
keeps meeting unavailable men keep meeting them because
that IS the only kind of man out there, or because she
BELIEVES that is the only kind of man out there? In
my experience, you will attract all kinds of people,
but only notice the kind you believe are out there.
To change this, get to know and build friendships with
men and women who are not as you described above. Work
on realizing there is great diversity in behaviors and
attitudes among EACH sex.
Complete the following sentence with a few words
that readily come to mind:
All relationships are ______________________________________.
Did you immediately think of negative terms to define
relationships? If so, is it true that all relationships
are as you described? Do you personally know any that
are not?
The second step in fixing a broken partner-picker is
to realize that all kinds of relationships exist out
there in the big wide world of ours. Most singles actually
believe the only kind of relationship possible is the
kind they fear they will end up in. So singles envision
a controlling, manipulative partner who asks them to
compromise their very being. Or they envision an uncaring,
cold partner who would rather be away from them doing
something else. Or they envision some other relationship
horror they would rather not live through.
In reality, many different relationship dynamics are
possible between two people. Simply because you feel
controlled or feel distance in one relationship does
not mean the same thing will happen to you in every
relationship with any person.
To change this, get to know and build friendships with
couples who are not as you described above. Work on
realizing just how many different relationships are
around you and what kind of a relationship you want.
Complete the following sentence with a few words
that readily come to mind:
I deserve many positive things in a partner, except
_________________,
which I don't feel I deserve.
Have you ever been given these kinds of things from
others? If you have, was it because you earned these
somehow or did something to become deserving?
How does one come to deserve love, attention, affection,
time? Many singles secretly believe the only way they
will get love is to somehow buy it - either literally
by spending money in a relationship, or figuratively
by over-compromising themselves. Others believe they
simply deserve only what they have been given in the
past, which was often not enough.
The third step in fixing a broken partner-picker is
to realize that you deserve love, attention, affection,
time, etc. You don't have to do anything to earn it
except to be yourself. This is your inherent right as
a human being.
To change your feelings about what you deserve, get
to know and build friendships with people who readily
give you THE thing you feel you do not deserve.
Complete this exercise with a friend and share your
results with each other. Get some feedback from people
who care about you on the ideas you came up with. With
this feedback, you will be well on your way to fixing
that pesky partner-picker.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to
attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling
relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs?
Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills
and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy
partnerships. Visit www.whatittakes.com
where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free
weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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