|
What is the best way to handle a chick that is
being rude or saying smart-assed things to you?
I would think that if you just walk away from
them you look like a pussycat.... Any advice?
Hello!
In my experience, people (even women!) usually
aren't rude without some reason. For example,
if you approach some woman and she reacts badly,
the problem isn't you (as long as you were reasonably
respectful and courteous) the problem was with
the woman. You have no way of knowing what kind
of day she had. Perhaps your the 8th guy that
hit on her that day, or maybe she just broke up
with her 5-year boyfriend.
So, the first point is this: don't worry or be
bothered by it if she's rude! Just realize that
she's in a bad place, and that it's not your fault.
Maybe her mother never bothered to teach her any
manners. In fact, you can even go the other way
- give her kindness back. Here's a great example:
One time, I was in a restaurant with a date.
The restaurant was full, and the waitress was
hopping just to keep up. When she walked up to
the table, I asked her a question. Her response?
"Did you read the menu??" Now, I could
have reacted and threw it back in her face. Instead,
I said, "Look, it's very busy in here, and
you're obviously under a lot of pressure. Everyone
seems to get hungry at the same time! We're going
to be here for a while, and are not in a hurry.
Why don't you take care of some of the other people
with less time, and we'll be here when you're
ready."
She stopped and looked at me, paused, and said,
"I'm sorry for being rude, it's really been
a day here. What was it you wanted to know?"
So I persisted, "No, that's ok - go get some
of the pressure off, we're not in any hurry."
She came back with, "No, really, I'm very
sorry and want to help you." We got great
service from that point on, and she even made
a point to stop me on our way out and thank me
again for being so understanding!
In a first-meeting situation, you can use exactly
this tack too - just say something like, "Look,
I'm sorry you're irritated - I really don't know
what your day has been like. I just thought I
might try to brighten it a little. I hope things
get better for you." Then walk away with
your pride intact.
Let's look at another situation, you're chatting
up some girl at a bar, or elsewhere, she seems
interested, but is trying to bust your chops.
This is a completely different situation entirely.
She's trying to throw you off-balance, but is
expressing interest as well. Here, you want to
try to use humor.
Humor is difficult for many people - some are
just not funny! You can learn to be funny, but
it takes practice. For example, if she were sitting
with her friends and tried something like that
with me, I'd look at her friends and in a loud-whisper
say, "Yeah - I remember MY first beer too!"
Perhaps she says something like, "I don't
talk to strangers!" My response? "Well,
how do you know I'm a stranger if you've never
met me?" Humor can go a long way.
The last point is that you can't just rely on
one or two approaches to determine how women will
react to you. It's a man's job to make the initial
approach. It may seem unfair, but that's the way
the game is played. You've got to go through many,
many of these to gain the experience to handle
them.
One idea that I teach guys in my "Hunting
Sessions" is called the "20 No's".
This means that you go out over a week or two
and actively seek 20 "No's" from women.
Why would you do that? Because; even as special
as you are, you're not so special as to fail every
single time! Dispersed among those 20 "no's",
will be at least a few "yes's"! So what
if you get 20 no's, when you've got 5 yes's to
work on?
To summarize, first, don't be bothered by someone's
rudeness - that isn't your problem. Your problem
is to learn basic social skills and to use them.
The second point is to be somewhat prepared for
situations through study and experience. The last
point? Dating is a numbers game. Use the numbers
to get the success you want!
Good luck, much love...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question?
I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com
for answers. For more information about my book,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
www.beingaman.com.
Copyright (c) 2003, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
|
