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Hello,
I'm having some trouble here and would appreciate
any advice you have.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now,
he is my first and only boyfriend, and I am his
first and only girlfriend.
During our 6 years together, he was nothing but
sweet, loyal, passionate, and adoring of me. He
was very committed to me but I was always scared
of commitment and told him that getting a career
is more important than getting married. I have
left him twice in the past for another guy, out
of stupidity and temptation, and last year I left
him for another guy for 8 months. Each time I
did this, he begged for me to take him back, and
when I did come to my senses and come back, he
would play hard to get and act like I had to beg
for him.
3 months ago, I left him to move to the other
end of the country, something that hurt him terribly.
I stayed there for 2 months and for the first
month; he would call me everyday and tell me he
loved me. Then, once I decided to return because
I missed him so much and was finally ready to
settle down with him, he told me that he needed
some time apart to be on his own and get his businesses
in order and he wanted to be single and with his
buddies and he stopped calling me.
Now I am back in my hometown and he is still not
calling me. I will call him once in a while to
say “Hi” but he hardly returns my calls.
We decided to meet up and watch a hockey game
recently, and then 2 days later, he flaunts this
new girl he's seeing in my face at a bar, and
I got angry with him. Now, he acts very cold and
without feeling, like he's put his feelings aside
and he's put up a wall.
In 1 month, he has transformed into the absolute
opposite of who he has always been. I spilled
my heart and soul out to him, telling him that
I will do anything to make this relationship work,
but he brushes it off. Now he's seeing some other
chick, which is 35 years old, (he's 24).
He says he loves me, and he keeps asking why it
was ok for me to do this last year and why I can't
let him move on. I know that he is speaking out
of pain and hurt, but he won't even talk to me
about what's happening. The worst part is how
disrespectful he is to me when he's in public
with his friends.
He ignores me like I'm just some girl he was seeing
for a month or so, and if he knows that I will
be at a certain bar, he will show up with that
woman, and flirt with her and dance with her right
in front of me. I try to ignore it, but I always
end up leaving the bar in tears. I don't understand
how and why he is treating me this terribly. It's
one thing to want to break up, but still be respectful
to me, and it's another to completely humiliate
me over and over again.
I know I need to stop calling him, but I don't
want him to think I don't care for him anymore.
How can he go from a 6-year relationship to another
girl in 1 month? Can you explain to me his sudden
behavior because he's not telling me anything?
Should I stay away from the places he hangs out?
And most importantly, what's the best way for
me to proceed in order to leave things open for
reconciliation?
I want him back so bad, I gave up everything out
west to come back home to him and he knows this.
I just want to spend the rest of my life making
him feel as special as he made me feel for the
last 6 years. Please help, I don't want to make
the wrong moves and hurt this situation anymore
than it has been. Is there any salvation for this
relationship and will he snap out of this coldness
and tell me what's going on?
Thank you so much for listening.
Hello!
Please tell me you're kidding me - right?
Let's see here. You had a terrific relationship
with a caring, loving guy but it wasn't very important
to you, so you left him and started seeing other
guys. Then, you even left town and moved all the
way across the country. Now, you're back and you
want to be with him again, but you're hurt because
he won't be the same, lovely, wonderful guy he
was because you kept dumping all over him.
What in the hell are you thinking anyway?
I'm surprised he even talks to you at all! The
only reason I can think of for it is that he is
so inexperienced that he doesn't know that there
are women out there that WILL treat him properly
and with respect.
I don't care how much he wanted the relationship
in the past; frankly, you don't deserve him! What
could you ever do now that would make for the
way you've treated him? He's being far nicer to
you than you deserve in my opinion. If you'd done
this to me, I would never talk to you again -
ever. At least he'll talk to you.
This might be a good time to go sit by yourself
for a while and think about what you really want
in your life. Your actions here border on abuse
and if you ever want someone of quality in your
life again, someone that loves you, and cares
for you, you'd better get yourself straightened
out. A person like this is a treasure that you
earn.
You got lucky the first time, but don't expect
it to happen again.
With a LOT of work on your selfish self, you may
get another chance in the future with someone
else. Get started right away.
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question?
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"Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
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Copyright (c) 2003, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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