Are you too picky when it
comes to finding Love?
Are you too picky or not picky enough when it comes
to finding love? If you have been in one or more long-term
relationship and are now single again, you may find
yourself at one of the two extremes of pickiness. You
can become extremely picky to try to protect yourself
from hurt. Or, not having been in a relationship in
a long time, you can be so desperate for a relationship
that being with any person seems much better than nothing.
Becoming less or more picky than you currently are
about whom you date may improve your chances of finding
true love -- for the first time or again. Read below
to see how you can adjust your pickiness level.
You are too picky if:
You have no problem getting dates, but everyone you
date has something about him or her that turns you off.
You have very specific ideas about who your partner
needs to be: a particular religion, income level, profession,
very similar interests, etc.
You need a person to prove himself or herself to you
over and over again, before you consider opening up
to him or her.
You need a partner to never let you down.
You have a particular style or type of person you like
and will only date this kind of person.
You are not picky enough if:
You are willing to date anyone fairly decent, whether
they are a good match for you or not.
You don't want much from a partner: a sense of humor,
a job, and being attracted to the person is good enough.
You get into relationships quickly.
You will accept lots of imperfections in your partner.
You date people whether or not you are attracted to
them.
If you identify more with being too picky, when you
let someone in, you do not let them in deeply for fear
they will not be good enough. Because of this, you tend
to end up alone.
If you identify more with not being picky enough, you
mostly end up with people who aren't a very good match
for you. You're also likely to spend most of your time
out of a relationship and sad about it.
Want to end up in a relationship rather than ending
up alone? Here are some guidelines for what you should
and should not be picky about.
Here's what you should be
picky about:
Qualities that will matter in the long run: a similar
value system, communication style, and level of integrity.
Ensuring your potential partners have these same qualities
makes being in the relationship with each other easier
- the two of you will be on the same page in many aspects.
Your partner should have the same family goals as you,
such as having children or not, getting married or not,
etc.
You want someone with the same family goals because
they can be relationship breakers if you're not in agreement.
Choosing a kind and gentle person who cares about people's
emotions.
Relationships can be hard. In hard times you want a
partner who will treat you well instead of poorly.
Choosing a person who has no exes lurking around hoping
to reignite the relationship.
Lurking exes tend to cause problems for relationships
because the lurked is often torn between the past and
present relationship and cannot fully be in either.
The person you choose should have a job or even a career,
and have his or her life and finances in order, or at
least be working on it.
You want someone who is living well with or without
you to avoid unhealthy dependencies and resentments.
The person should be someone you enjoy looking at,
someone you find attractive.
Healthy physical intimacy is critical to a long-term,
happy relationship. Without a mutual attraction, this
is something you will not have.
You don't have to be picky
about the following:
The person's profession.
Even if you have had a bad experience with someone of
a particular profession, chances are the trouble was
with that particular person.
How much the person earns.
If you find you earn in different financial brackets,
you can sometimes spend a little and sometimes spend
a lot to even things out.
Exactly how the person looks.
You need to be attracted to your partner. But you might
be surprised to find yourself attracted to someone who
is not your "type."
The person's past, as long as it has been worked through
and put to rest.
You need not worry about your partner's past as long
as you can see that the emotions and circumstances of
the past have been experiences and worked through.
If you're too picky or not picky enough you can still
end up alone. A better idea is to have a balance of
what you are picky about and what you are not picky
about in order to attract a balanced person and to create
a compatible, satisfying, happy relationship.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to
attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling
relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs?
Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills
and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy
partnerships. Visit www.whatittakes.com
where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free
weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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